So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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