It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
