guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
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Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
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Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm too high and old for this...
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?