Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.