a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.