Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
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We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
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That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS