She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.