Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
she peed on how many people?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
