So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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