Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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