Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
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Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
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Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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