I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
