I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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