I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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