She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
