i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
