hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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