It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
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He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
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he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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