Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
