if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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