So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
