hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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