my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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