and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
