You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
