How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
