Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
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when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
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Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
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