remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
