his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
