Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
