Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
It's shark week go big or go home
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