bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
