His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
