i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
