...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
