there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
