I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
we're chasing vodka with high fives
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
