Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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