he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
