I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
