he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize