So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You're a waste of cheezeits
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize