sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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