Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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