I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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