I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
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It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
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We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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