How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
this is an emotional support booty call
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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