are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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