So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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