Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
