I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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