I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
