I think I won the penis lottery.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
