why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
