Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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