omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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