It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
