Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
