I heard we made out
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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