try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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