Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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