I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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