I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
operation have a gay friend backfired
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
